I predict not much content to this post.
I am here to announce that I finally caved, got a diagnosis of ADHD and started stimulant medication for it. One person on the Internet described it as putting glasses on for the first time, and I find this to be totally accurate. It's like the tiny room my conscious self inhabited in my brain suddenly became a cathedral in which I could move and breathe freely. I would go so far as to say that I feel like myself for maybe the first time in my life.
But, things are new. The afternoon crashes are not fun, and it seems like my body and mind haven't figured out quite how they want to handle this daily slam of dopamine and norepinephrine.
The other weird thing about feeling like myself for the first time ever, is that I can also feel (on the more depressed side of the crash) like no one in my life has ever really met me. I feel I have interests I have never had a chance to explore, and express, and integrate into my personality. I don't know how real this feeling is. But I can feel some anxiety at the idea that I might struggle to find enough time and quiet to develop these interests without pressures from previous role expectations. The freedom of childhood is long gone, and I squandered all that time being interested in nothing. The thought can make me pretty sad.
But anyway, overall, this is impacting me as a huge and almost unbelievable improvement in my overall prognosis of life and happiness. So let's see how this goes.
